Thursday, May 1, 2008

The Fergs vs. Cell Phones

So, it all started with the new trend of children having cell phones. I mean children really need a cell phone? Well, according to I guess about 99.9% of parents...YES. Well, not this parent. I was going to stand my ground! It was going to be me vs. cool parents. I remained strong...repeating over and over and over my reasons why Jordan was not getting a cell phone:

1. I didn't have a cell phone until I was an adult and could pay for it myself
2. Just because the other kids have one doesn't mean you have to have one
3. Well, I'm not the other moms
4.. It's too much responsibility for a child
5. What if you go over the minutes
and my most favorite one of all...
6. Well, if all of your friends have one, then you don't need one because you can just use theirs :)

Well, I begin doubting my line of reasoning and these selfish thoughts started creeping in my being able to get ahold of him WHENEVER...WHEREVER, but I just couldn't fold under had become one of those "it's just THE PRINCIPLE OF THE THING". In other words, how in the world am I going to get him a phone without giving ANYONE especially him, the slightest belief that I had crossed over to the other side....becoming one of those....oh it's so hard to even say the words...."cool moms"

So, to make a long story long....I buckled under the pressure, and we got him a phone. Don't be sad all you uncool moms out there...I was careful and made sure I maintained my "uncool mom" label. I laid down the law, oh don't you worry, I laid down the LAW!

Just a little side note here, you should have seen the look on Jordan's face when he opened up the bag with the cell phone...oh my was a special moment. Like a little boy getting his first little puppy dog. He was just smitten! Well, aside from the fact that uncool mom here messed up by getting him a bright green cell phone instead of the standard black...OOPS! ;) So you see, I haven't lost it.

Alright, one might think that Jordan got his cell phone and lived happily ever after in utter cell phone junkie bliss, and this would be the end of the cell phone story, but oh no! It's only just begun.

So, shortly after Jordan gets the phone he says in his very careful not to sound ungrateful voice, "hey, does this phone have texting?"

TEXTING? Oh my gravy! TEXTING?

Of course uncool mom didn't think about getting texting. I mean seriously, why would I think that anyone might enjoy using their TELEPHONE to send messages? I mean if you have a TELEPHONE, why on earth would you opt for typing the words out on a keypad? PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL THE PERSON...SERIOUSLY!

Back on track here, so after I spent some time talking with our service provider about this "texting" deal and found out that we couldn't get texting taken off the phone nor prohibit the phone from receiving text messages, Eddie and I talk it over and decided that while I'm taking the phone back to get the appropriate color for a 13 year old boy, we would get 400 text messages included on our plan for an extra 5.00 per month. This seemed like the reasonable thing to do. I mean 400 text messages...who could use 400 text messages in a month. Well, I'll tell you who...any and all tweens or teenagers in the United States...that's who and my son isn't excluded from that group. So, he spends the first three months rationing his text messages. I mean he was RATIONING. One month he ended the month with 396 text messages used. I'm guessing he was praying for midnight to get here on the 20th of that month! Let me tell all of you parents of these text messaging addicts....they aren't using there texting wisely...oh no! They will send like one word texts...."HI"...."HEY"...."HELLO". I mean seriously! Spend the extra 20 minutes punching in the letters on that tiny keypad to write a complete sentence! Or better yet, PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL THE PERSON!

Okay, so my son has inherited my deal making skills, and he comes to me with a proposition. He informs me that we can get unlimited texting for "just 14.99 per month". He goes on to say that since we (uncool mom & semi-cool dad - Eddie tends to cross over on the other side sometimes) are already paying 5.00 per month for the 400 text messages, he will agree to pay another 10.00 per month towards the unlimited texting. Here's basically how the conversation went:

Jordan: Ummm, you know how you guys already pay $5.00 each month for the texting?

Uncool Mom: Yes. (knowing where this is going)

Jordan: Well, you know you can get unlimited for just $14.99 per month? Well, I was thinking that if I paid $10.00 per know since you guys already are paying $5.00 anyway, then I could just have unlimited.

Uncool Mom: Hmmm.....

Jordan: I mean you are already paying $5.00.

Uncool Mom: Well, you know if we decided to do that, you would have to pay that upfront, and I'm not saying we are going to do that.

Jordan: OKAY (see he's already thinking it's a done deal)

Uncool Mom: And actually, you would probably need to pay two months ahead.

Jordan: Okay (a little less confident)

Uncool Mom: Well, let me talk with Eddie about it.

Okay, now this is like the 14th of the month and the billing cycle ends on the 20th. Uncool mom totally knows that Jordan is counting on getting unlimited before the 20th - meaning he doesn't have to ration his texting for the next 6 days because he'll have unlimited. Uncool mom sees this as an opportunity to teach Jordan a little something. Semi-cool dad concurs. Behind the scene, we agree that we will accept Jordan's proposal, but it will not go into effect until the next billing cycle. Do you see where I'm going with this? C'mon people, this is Parenting 101! This I like to call the "not counting your chickens before they hatch" technique.

Alright, I go back to Jordan with our counteroffer. He's no doubt excited but does comment that he "knew I was going to say that". Am I really that predictable or has he gotten his hands on the Uncool Mom's Playbook?

So, I call our provider and wouldn't you know it. They have an even better plan. Unlimited texting for all phones for just another $5.00 per month. So, I quickly have a flashback of a conversation Eddie & I recently had which was something like this:

Eddie: (laughing) Ray keeps texting me.

Sammi: (thinking..what? Grown men partake in this "texting" too) Well, you know that's like .15 cents per text.

Eddie: Yeah, I know...but he keeps sending them to me.

Sammi: Well, tell him to stop.

Eddie: Yeah, I'll call and tell him.

So, as that conversation replays in my head, and I'm doing the math that technically we were already paying 5.00 per month, Jordan's going to be paying 10.00, so REALLY we are only going to be paying another 5.00. So, I'm all "sure, we'll go ahead and do that".

I call Eddie and tell him the great deal I just got us :) He's actually excited and off he goes...texting away. He immediately shoots one off to Ray, which is:

Eddie: I've got texting now
Ray: Cool, we can be BFF's

Oh no! I've created a texting monster. What's an uncool mom to do, but join in on the texting fun.

So, now here we are. Totally texting away. Eddie text me. I text him. We both text Jordan. The other day, I even texted my friend, Samantha. And you know what, she text me right back. I need to ask her if she's got unlimited also.

So that my friends, is how we uncool moms get sucked in, pulled over to the other side...slowly, subtly, unknowingly, until it's too late.


Angi said...

I am laughing so hard! I needed this today! I have NO IDEA how to text!

steve said...

You won't believe this, but, Kyle texted over 4000 times last month. 4000 three zero's I don't think he ever really talks to anyone.